Buffy: On the Weird Stuff in Life...
"The elders conjured up the perfect punishment for me: they restored my soul."
"What, they were all out of boils and blinding torment?" -- Angel and Buffy
"He's shot! Are you okay?"
"I, um, I'm shot, you know. Wow! It's odd. And painful." -- Willow and Oz!
"I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one suffered like I suffered." -- Cordelia
"Where are your other clothes?"
"Oh, don't I wish I had the answer to that question?"
"Xander kind of found himself in front of our class not wearing much of anything."
"Except my underwear."
"Yeah, it was really... bad. It was a bad thing."
"Bad thing? I was naked. "Bad thing" doesn't cover it." -- Giles, Xander and Willow
"That's me favorite shirt. That's me only shirt!" -- Kendra
"Things involving the computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such, I'd be more in my element." -- Giles
"I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown."
"He's a clean clown! I... have my own fun." -- Buffy and Willow
"I swear on my mother's grave... should something fatal happen to her, God forbid." -- Willie
"Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?" -- Willow
"Don't warn the tadpoles!"
"Don't warn the tadpoles?"
"I... I have frog fear." -- Willow and Giles (it's a Forever Knight thing.)
"Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty. Really honed my brooding skills." -- Angel
"Excommunicated _and_ sent to Sunnydale. That's a guy big with the sinning." -- Buffy
"So you're saying these vampires went to all this hassle for a basic decoder ring?"
"Actually, yes, I suppose I am." -- Buffy and Giles
"I told one lie. I had one drink."
"Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture." -- Buffy and Giles
"You were looking at my neck."
"What?"
"You were checking out my neck, I saw that."
"No, I wasn't."
"Just keep your distance, pal."
"I wasn't looking at your neck."
"I told you to eat before we left." -- Xander and Angel
"It could be, "deprimere ille bubula linter."
"Debase the beef... canoe. //whap!// Why does that strike me as not right?" -- Dalton and Spike
"Are you noticing a theme here?"
"As in, "vampires, yay!"?"
"That's the one." -- Xander and Willow
"What are you doing?"
"Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have... Angel, how do you shave?" -- Giles and Willow
"The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one." -- Spike
"My Uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you ever met - by day. By night it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?"
"He was alone."
"Give it time." -- Xander and Buffy
"Why is this happening?"
"Billy."
"Well, that explanation was shorter than usual. It's Billy! Who's Billy?" -- Willow, Giles and Xander
"Now, this may sting a little just at first. But don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in." -- Ethan
"Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. A pot of scaldin water and about eight minutes."
"You boiled your egg?"
"Yeah, I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind." -- Xander and Willow
"You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine." -- Buffy
"So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know, the monkey's just, "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And then there's a big coup in the zoo." -- Oz!
"The monkey is French?"
"All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?" -- Willow and Oz!
"What are you going to do with him, anyway?"
"I'm thinking... maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know?" -- Willie and Spike
"Can I just say... ghuuuh!" -- Xander
"Neural clamping. That sounds skippable." -- Xander
"Did my pet have a vision?"
"Do you know what I miss? Leeches." -- Spike and Dru
"Ok, on sleazing extra candy: Tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the "you missed me" routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate." -- Xander
"She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?" -- Willow
"Big noise scare monster, remember?" -- Xander
"We must have some kind of amnesia."
"I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often." -- Xander and Buffy
"You take the princess and secure the kitchen. Catwoman, you're with me."
"But I don't want to go with you! I like the man with the musket."
"Come on."
"Do you have a musket?" -- Xander, Buffy and Angel
"Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of *my* life, and she's trying to make it about her *leg*. Like my pain meant nothing." -- Cordelia (who else?)
"I have all these thoughts, and I'm pretty sure they all contradict each other." -- Cordelia
"My mom's making her famous call to the Chinese place."
"Do you guys even have a stove?" -- Xander and Willow
"Being this popular is not just my right, but my responsibility." -- Cordelia
"I think I speak for everyone here when I say, "huh?"" -- Buffy
"Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"
"(cough) Karma! (cough)." -- Cordelia and Xander
"I saw the fire, I figured you'd be here." -- Angel
"What, I can't have information sometimes?"
"It's just somewhat unprecedented." -- Xander and Giles
"I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."
"Okay, at this point, you're abusing sarcasm." -- Giles and Buffy
"I've never seen a dead body before. Do they usually move?" -- Owen
"You were right, all along, about everything.... Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a pekinese." -- Giles