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To Not So Baldly Go!

Finally, a fluff piece--an interview with a razor-witted Tribble (on a good hair day, of course)
By Franz Lidz

Episode 42 of the original Star Trek introduced us to the Tribbles, a tribe of wigged-out fur balls that inadvertently foiled a Klingon plot to poison the inhabitants of Sherman's Planet. We recently caught up with one of the show's actors--Tribble Shepherd--on Rogaine, a planet of salons in the Beta Quadrant. To quote James Brown, sometimes you like to let the hair do the talking.

EW: You're perhaps best known for your impersonation of a whoopee cushion on the Enterprise deck. You were the Tribble that squealed when William Shatner sat on you.

TS: Bill and I were once very close. But we never truly bonded until years later while working together on T.J. Hooker.

EW: What did you play?

TS: His perm.

EW: According to television lore, Ralph Kramden's raccoon hat on The Honeymooners and Linc's exuberant Mod Squad Afro were really Tribble roadkill. True?

TS: The Kramden part is true. Linc's 'fro was a Tribble communications satellite. The fuzzy tendrils beamed signals to distant galaxies.

EW: We've always wondered about those Bob Hope Christmas specials. Were Brooke Shields' eyebrows...

TS: As Boris Karloff once said, there are some things it is better not to know.

EW: Care to share any other stories?

TS: Well, Howard Cosell had a Tribble pelt sewn onto his scalp. Robin Williams has two dozen live Tribbles stapled all over his chest. And Cousin Itt of The Addams Family was actually made up of 856 Tribbles.

EW: And how do you explain Larry Fine of The Three Stooges?

TS: Larry wore twin Tribbles on opposite sides of his head. The handfuls of hair that Moe yanked out were really stunt Tribbles.

EW: Where did Tribbles get their start in show business?

TS: The Ziegfeld Follicles. Naturally, we opened...

EW: We know, on the Strand. What were your first TV roles?

TS: We had small parts--quite literally--in a teleplay of a Thomas Hardy novel.

EW: Not Fur From the Madding Crowd?

TS: No, Tress of the D'Urbervilles.

EW: Did critics complain you had trivialized the work?

TS: I believe the term was Tribblized. Let's put it this way: They bristled.

EW: Any other hairy TV experiences?

TS: Back in the '60s, a clump of us Tribbles appeared on Joe Pyne's talk show. Pyne was a caustic, one-legged host who liked to berate his guests. He looked me over and said, "I guess your long hair makes you a girl."

EW: And you replied?

TS: "I guess your wooden leg makes you a table."

EW: Pyne, of course, sued for slander. What did he seek?

TS: Tribble damages.

EW: Mr. Spock believed Tribbles were worthless. He seemed to think your sole function was to look adorable and have babies.

TS: They made that crack about Princess Di.

EW: Would you at least acknowledge that all Tribbles are born out of wedlock?

TS: Yes, and there's some pretty nice country around there.

EW: The Tribblologist Roy Blount Jr. once wrote that the most-printed phrase in English is "Close Cover Before Striking." What about in Tribblish?

TS: "Lather, rinse, repeat."

EW: How do Tribbles avoid falling hair?

TS: We step aside.