32 Things to do While Waiting for Phantom Menace
1. Visit http://www.countingdown.com, which is providing contact information for fans around the country - including Wisconsin - who plan on camping out days in advance to get a good seat for "Menace"
2. Cease all lawn work and start referring to your yard as "the forest moon of Endor."
3. Next time somebody second-guesses you, tell them, "I find your lack of faith disturbing." Bonus points if you can make Darth Vader's KWOOOSH! FWOOOSH! breathing sound while saying it.
4. Take up the sport of Kendo, Japanese sword fighting, which every good Jedi knows. The naughty Jedi know it, too.
5. Set up two televisions side by side, each with a VCR. Invite your friends over to watch the entire "Star Wars" trilogy - the original version on one screen and the digitally enhanced "Special Edition" on the other, simultaneously. Debate which version is better.
6. Shell out $250 for a ceramic cookie jar in the shape of a classic Star Wars character, such as Princess Leia or Han Solo. Sorry, a Chewbacca model is not available, which means no Wookie cookies for you.
7. Begin sleeping with Kenner's "Buddy" versions of Chewbacca and Jabba the Hut (Jabba's slimy coating not included.)
8. Talk like Yoda you will for a day, hmmmmm?
9. Fly out to Denver to be one of 20,000 fans attending the "Star Wars Celebration" convention, organized by the official Star Wars fan club, April 30 to May 2. Bonus points if you fly there in your own X-wing.
10. Make a tape of all the songs that reference "Star Wars" to listen to in your car on the daily commute. Actually, you'll have to make several tapes, because dozens of musicians have been inspired to sample John Williams' score or mention Luke and the gang in lyrics, including synthesizer whiz Meco, country star Freddy Fender, ska band the Supertones and rappers Busta Rhymes, Rubberoom and several members of the Wu-Tang Clan.
11. Expecting? Name your firstborn after Anakin (if it's a boy) or Padme (if it's a girl), two of the key characters in "Menace." Naming your child "Maul," after the films villain, might be going a bit to far.
12. Set up your Boba Fett Room Alarm ($20 at Target) in your office or cubicle near enough to the entrance that co-workers passing by set off the figure's heat-activated sensors, causing it to growl, "He's no good to me dead."
13. Great friends and co-workers with the phrase "Koo-nah too-tah, Solo?" * Bonus if you know what the phrase means without looking at the bottom of the page.
14. Play the "Star Wars Trivial Pursuit" game with your fellow rebel scum. Call whoever wins a "stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder." Unless you win, of course.
15. Attend your next staff meeting wearing the Darth Vader Power Talker Voice Changing Mask and use the word "destiny" a lot.
16. Rename your dog (or cat) "the Rancor."
17. Begin referring to your morning granola bar as "X-wing Fighter Ration Bar."
18. When a passenger complains about your driving, remind him, "Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy."
19. Go to work wearing old, tan flannel pajamas and a brown bathrobe. Speak about yourself in the third person, calling yourself "Obi-Wan."
20. Sport Princess Leia's attractive double cinnamon bun 'do for a day. Earn bonus points if your a guy. Earn double bonus points if you use actual cinnamon buns.
21. Brag incessantly to your friends about your perfect score on the "Star Wars Diplomatic Corps Entrance Exam." Admit to no one that you cheated by looking at the answers in the back of the book. Now your journey to the Dark Side is complete.
22. Whistle the theme from the Mos Eisley Cantina at work until threatened with legal action.
23. Begin referring to your garage as Docking Bay 94.
24. Mom or Dad (or Boss, or Spouse, etc.) on your back to mow the lawn/do the dishes/finish that spreadsheet? Do your best Skywalker impersonation and whine, "But I was going into Tashi Station to pick up some power converters!"
25. Announce, "I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication," at random intervals.
26. Complete the traditional Jedi rite of passage by constructing your own lightsaber. No, we're not telling you how, that would be cheating.
27. Spouse, significant other or co-worker getting on your nerves? Practice staring off into the distance and asking quizzically, "Ben, is that you?"
28. When asked to provide identification, reply, "These are not the droids you are looking for."
29. Acknowledge you're on the line during a conference call by saying' "Red Leader, standing by."
30. Admit to your closest friends that you are afraid of ewoks.
31. Put on a little weight over the winter? Deflect criticism from friends and family by pointing out, "Luminous being we are, not this crude matter."
32. Brag to people you've just met about "bulls-eyeing womp rats in my T-16 back home." Interpret their puzzled frowns as envy.